A New Approach to Campus Security: The Mandalorian Project

With evolving threats to the Master’s University, Campus Security has recently instated the “Mandalorian Project” with full support from the Master’s Board. Bryan Kortcamp has been the lead on the recent security upgrade. We sat down with him to discuss the recent changes. 

“We scrapped everything. Guard gate? Gone. Roaming patrol cars? Gone. All the extra security guards have been scrapped. We poured all our money into building me this sick Mandalorian outfit, investing in a few prototype blasters, and even working with RCSM to build a fully ship that I can use to get across the galaxy, or to North Campus.”

 

TMU Students were notified of the changes via email. We asked students and faculty around campus for their opinon on the armored protector. 

 

“I dig it,” said an anonymous male from Waldcok. “Can’t wait to see what he does in Season Three.” 

“I’m personally not a fan,” said an anonymous female from Dixon. “Me and my friends came back at 12:01 from an extended bake-a-thon off campus. We rolled up the hill, and he dropped out of the sky, pointing his blaster at my Kia. He demanded us to show identification, and threatened to freeze us in carbonite if we didn’t have our ID’s. I think it was a bit overkill.”

“This is a classic 1984 scenario come to life,” said Esther Chua, head of the English Department. “We’ve exchanged freedom for security. Though I must admit, the security is pretty cool. Have you seen his jetpack?”

 

“It’s pretty sick, I’m not gonna lie,” said Greg Gifford. “I’m just waiting to see what they build me. I’m aiming for a Venator Class Star Destroyer.”

 

A representative of the Meandering Mustang was able to follow Kortcamp on patrol. When the surveliance system on the Razorcrest picked up a homeless person who was outside of No Man’s Land, Kortcamp donned his armor and leapt out of the craft. Kortcamp proceeded to fire warning shots at the intruder, and even tossed a small thermal detonator in his direction. The homeless man took off running , screaming something about the bad trip he was having. The individual has not been seen since.

 

Kortcamp now surveys all activity across campus from his ship, the Razorcrest, which hovers high in the sky above Rutherford. “Say what you want, it’s effective,”said Kortcamp, watching a couple ‘study’ in the 3^rd floor of CDUB. “I may have to go break this one up.”

 

If you want to hear more about the Mandalorian or other happenings around campus, please subscribe to the Meandering Mustang. 

Life behind TMU: An Interview with Hobo Joe

 

Anyone who has been on the hike to cross has done two things. They’ve posted a photo of their hiking experience on social media, and also wondered who's living in the canyons below the hill. Many students are aware of the security issues the campus has run into regarding the homeless in the canyons, but few people know the stories of the people in the dusty ditches. The Meandering Mustang sent a reporter to the canyons to find the truth about these individuals. We met an individual named Hobo Joe. This is his story.

 

Hobo Joe talked with us while sitting on his home depot bucket smoking some mystery meat over a sizzling pile of brush. “Oh yeah feller, I been livin here for years. Heck, I been here longer than some of yer faculty. Ya learn to become almost invisible; I sneak onta campus every day and nobody notices.”

Asked about his hygiene habits, Hobo Joe said he sneaks into CDUB every other week at three in the morning and uses their showers. Speaking about his diet, Hobo Joe said, “I just eat da caf food, right out of the back dumpster. The food ain't that great by mah standards; I reckon I mainly eat that there pizza.” 

When asked about what he does to entertain himself, Hobo Joe took us inside his cardboard fort. Inside he had wired up a full home entertainment set up, equipped with Wifi, a Nintendo Switch, and a PS4. Asked about where he got the electronics, Hobo Joe quickly changed the subject.

“I don’t like the word homeless,” said Hobo Joe. “Masters is my home. Ya might say I’m a student here just like the rest of them. I sneak into the library way late at night and read them books. I even go to events! Ya can find me under the bleachers.” After stating this, Hobo Joe saw a small squirrel and leaped after it, screaming something about Vietnam.

 

If you want to hear more stories like Hobo Joe’s, follow the Meandering Mustang on Instagram for updates on new articles.

 

The 10 New Renovations We're Most Excited About

With major renovations being made to The Master’s University in preparation for the Fall 2020 semester, anticipation is at an all-time high. The Meandering Mustang has been given exclusive scoop on many of the renovations the school is currently planning, building, and completing. In no particular order, we’ve put together a list of some of the most notable and exciting additions to life at Master’s. 

1. The Quigley Canyon Bowl

This state-of-the-art venue will be located in the beautiful ambience of the Open Space. It’s goal is to provide quality musical entertainment over the school year. Possible entertainment could include Kanye West, Abner Chou on violin, and that one cringy Blend act we try not to think about. The university is currently in talks with Matt Redman to return, except this time with an American accent as to not cause further confusion. Estimated cost: $200 million dollars

2. Solomon’s Temple

Why send students to the Holy Land itself at IBEX when you can see accurate biblical history on campus? The Temple is a faithful reconstruction of Solomon’s Temple, complete with actual gold plating, live animal sacrifices, and a spiritual light show called “The Holy of Holies.” The targeted site is the soccer field, though the outer courts could stretch all the way to the baseball field. Sadly, it will not work as the perfect dating spot as women are strictly forbidden to go beyond the outer Court of the Women. Estimated cost: $845 million collars.

3. The Wild West Hall

Sick of RDs, RAs, and WAs keeping you accountable, or even just talking to you? Located at the far end of C-Dub lot, the Wild West dorm is a new dormitory without any student staff or dorm leaders, with the purpose of creating the most comfortable and free atmosphere. In this dorm that’s already been dubbed the CHAZ of Master’s, the Student Handbook is heresy and Student Life has no authority. This dorm is the perfect choice for all the slackers, rule-breakers, and hypocrites! Estimated cost: TBD, Student funded. 

4. DTR Center

Everyone knowss the gazebo Under the Oaks is the worst place for a Define The Relationship talk. But it can still be so much worse! The newly-built DTR Center, which will be located at that random grass field on North Campus, would provide such amenities as certified ACBC students to help facilitate heart talks, and loudspeakers inside blaring out your personal drama to the entire campus community, for no reason other than to spread word more quickly than it already does. The dreaded discussions would of course take place in indoor gazebos. Estimated cost: $20 million tear-soaked dollars.

5. Kanye West Voting Booth

This is just an on-campus official state voting booth dedicated to voting for Kanye West in the 2020 Presidential Election. Estimated cost: $500,000 dollars.

6. The Coffee Megacenter 

Why have one coffee shop on campus when you could have five? The Coffee Center would be a minimall of the five most popular coffee shops in the area: Undergrounds, Trophy, Honu, Steeple House, and Starbucks. Located at the previous location of Dixon Hall, which is currently being demolished. Estimated cost: the hard-earned cash of struggling students.

7. John MacArthur Viewing Centre

When Chancellor John MacArthur is working at his desk in the chancellor’s building, Students will be able to purchase tickets to see him through bullet-proof glass. In one of the most exciting renovations on the campus, students will now have the opportunity to view John MacArthur for up to 15 minutes. He can be seen working on a sermon, doing paperwork, and even praying. Payment is by the second. Estimated Cost: $40 million dollars.

8. COVID-bots

With state-of-the-art robotics and AI technology, approximately 10% of the new students will secretly be androids designed to put a stop to any spread of COVID-19. If a student shows any symptoms of the virus at any location on campus, the robots will alert authorities after they terminate the student and burn its remains. Some of the student staff will be also killer robots, occasionally adopting the identities of students who were already attending. The Wild West Dorm will be the only dorm without COVID-bots. Estimated Costs: $700 million dollars per robot.

9. Masters to Grace Hyperloop

Seeing how closely TMU and Grace Community Church are connected, a brand new hyperloop system aims to connect them even more. The TMU-GCC Hyperloop will stretch through the valley, and cut the commute down from 25 minutes to under 30 seconds. Massive parcels of real estate have already been purchased and the construction has begun. Estimated cost: $750 million for the Hyperloop, $900 million to buy the land, and $400 million in damage costs from the accidental forest fire. 

10. The Master’s Homeless Shelter

Located in the canyons behind the cross, the Master’s University Homeless Shelter will feature fine dining, a movie theater, a bowling alley, biblical counseling, and live broadcasting of chapel and a multitude of classes, such as Prof Suzuki’s Studies In Anime class. Showers for the homeless will be carried out as usual in Slight Hall. The center would also be available to all Off Campus students as well. Estimated cost: $45 million dollars.

That wraps up the scoop on the new renovations at The Master’s University! We’re so excited to see these new places in use in the new semester!

UPDATE: There's been talk of a seperate project called 'The Money Holes'. Students are strongly recommended to throw money into random holes across campus. It is suspected that the money from these holes will be used to fund the opening of more coffee shops on campus.

TMU Fornite to replace Microsoft Teams for Distance Learning

The Master’s University revealed that is exploring possible options for distance learning in the Fall Semester. “Obviously, we all want to come back to campus, and as of right now that is the plan,” said Mitch Hopewell in an email sent to students this week. “However, in the event that restrictions are not lifted, we have found the next best alternative to in person learning: Fortnite.” 

We sat down with Harry Walls and got the inside scoop on the new changes to the learning curriculum. “In collaboration with APEX Games, we will now offer most of our courses via Fortnite servers. Faculty will be able to speak with student’s via headsets while hunting them down with advanced weaponry on a new Island.”

The new digital Island will feature familiar and beloved locations from around campus for students to gather and snipe each other, such as ‘The Cross’, ‘Under the Oaks’, and even ‘Homeless Encampment’. “We’ve designed this place to offer everything our campus has, and more,” said Walls while throwing a grenade at a Dixon girl. 

The distance learning platform will offer such options such as downloadable skins, to make yourself look like John MacArthur, Abner Chou, Sam Horn, or a plethora of other characters. New weapons will be available also, such as ‘JMAC Study Bible Launcher,’ which shoots a beam of pure spiritual conviction straight into another user’s character, or ‘DTR Grenade’, which functions as an insta-kill.

“It’s so immersive,” said a student who tested the new platform. “Microsoft Teams has nothing on this. I really feel like I’m there. Me and my dorm mates set up a match, and it just transformed into a Bible Study. Someone bought the bonus pack with virtual guitars and we were able to have a worship night last week.”

Faculty have found the transition beneficial as well. We spoke with Esther Chua, head of the English Department, to gain her insights on the new platform.

“DIE NOOBS,” yelled Chua, mercilessly gunning down a few of her students hiding in bushes. “Oh, what do I think of it? It’s the best thing we’ve ever had. If we do come back in the Fall, I’m still teaching through this. Not a lot of instruction goes on to be honest, but in between matches we talk about books and other stuff.”

The school is working with APEX Games to create an IBEX server, with the entire nation of Israel recreated in digital form. Check back with the Meandering Mustang for more updates regarding TMU Fornite.

Interview with a Stereotypical Masters Guy

We sat down with Ethan Johnson, the most stereotypical Masters student we could find, to get the inside scoop on what its like to be the human equivalent of the color beige.

Mustang: Alright Ethan, tell us about yourself.

Johnson: Hey guys. My name is Ethan Johnson; I’m from like Oregon or Washington. I’m a Bible major but have literally no direction in life. I live in CDUB with my roomate Josh Miller, and love coffee.

Mustang: Fascinating. Tell us about your childhood.

Johnson: My dad was a pastor, so me and my five siblings were always at church growing up. I was homeschooled all my life, but I was at church a lot so I have some semblance of social skills. I played a lot of basketball and football with all of my three friends when I was younger, and I’m pretty sure I could go pro if I wanted. But I won’t, because reasons. 

Mustang: Very inspiring. What do you like to do for fun?

Johnson: If I’m not playing Intramurals with the boys, you can find me playing Smash or studying my Bible. Or studying. Mom, if you’re reading this, I’m currently in the library reading five books at the same time. 

Mustang: Thank you Ethan, very cool. Tell us about some of your favorites.

Johnson: I like to think of myself as a very unique individual. I listen to John Mayer and Relient K; in my rebellious phase I listened to three AC/DC songs. My favorite shows are the Office and Parks and Rec. I also follow football very closely and am a boss at Super Smash Bros. I play guitar too; ladies, hit me up if you want to meet up at the cross and have a jam session. Since we can't drink like other college students, I've substituted coffee for beer, and go to coffee tastings and stuff. My entire wardrobe is from Old Navy and Patagonia. So yeah, you could say I’m a pretty standout guy.

Mustang: Wow, way to set yourself apart from the crowd Ethan. Tell us about your time at TMU.

Johnson: If I’m not hanging out with my roommates in CDUB or desperately trying to get a girlfriend, I’m probably making a joke about how bad the caf food is, or benching 400 at the Fitness Center. I’ve spent my entire tuition for next semester on Trophy Coffee, and now have a crippling caffeine addiction. It’s cool though, I’m getting help. I go to Grace Com, but hang out exclusively with people from Masters there, so I’ve never actually met anyone new. As a Bible Major, I can look down on everyone else for not being as sanctified, which is super tight. 

Mustang: Incredible. Your story is amazing. If you had one thing you could say to our readers, what would that be? 

Johnson: If there are any ladies out there please date me. I’m a junior and I don’t have that much time left. I’m dead serious, I’d even date that one girl from Dixon at this point. Meet me at the gazebo we can have a DTR. 

Mustang: What a spectacular cry for help, Ethan. It’s been an honor to interview such a spectacular unique individual as yourself. If only everyone could be like you.

Subscribe to the Meandering Mustang for more groundbreaking interviews and fascinating stories. 

Gauntlet Achieves Mission, but with a Surprising Twist

The TMU Coronavirus Task Force was successful in their efforts to bring all the students back to campus, but not as any of them expected. 

We spoke with Mike Nesheim about what’s happened. “We told Stead to concentrate on three things: Donor Funds, bringing all the students back to campus, and resurrecting Cathie, in that exact order.” However, there was an error in communication.

“Stead ended up creating a time jump that transported us to the start of the Fall Semester,” said Harry Walls. “So yes, the students are back now, technically, I guess.” Walls went to go ponder the whole situation in one of his fifteen Camaros. 

“Am I mad? It could be worse,” said the anonymous Hotchkiss male. “I mean [redacted] is back on campus now and I don’t have to wait months to ask her out. So hey, I guess there is a silver lining…besides missing an entire summer of my life.” When asked if we could reveal his first name, Josh said yes. However, at TMU, this is still the equivalent of being anonymous.

In other news, Student Accounts discovered $5,000,000 in donor funds miraculously transferred into their system. We spoke with James Phillips, but he would neither confirm nor deny on whether it was from Dr. Stead’s Snap. “Let’s just say that the Lord provides in mysterious ways,” said Phillips.

Joe Keller was sighted hauling off the time machine to unknown whereabouts, which explains how he arrived in Asgard in the first place. The time machine was originally going to be used in Tricia Hulett's next musical, but it has not been seen since Keller was sighted.

Cathie also has been resurrected by Stead’s snap after her apparent death on Vormir. Reportedly, right after materializing, she went back to making pizzas at the caf, yelling something about ID cards on the way there.

Follow the Meandering Mustang for more groundbreaking news and insider information.

Faculty Gather Last Two Infinity Stones, Prepare for Stead's Snap

After two close run-ins in the past, Sam Horn and Mike Nesheim have safely returned to the TMU gym with the two Infinity Stones they set out to retrieve.

“I touch down in New York and grab the Mind Stone, and guess who I ran into? John MacArthur!” MacArthur was reportedly younger and unfamiliar with who Sam Horn was yet. “MacArthur began to talk of the injustice of stealing, even after I explained the reason for my heist. Suddenly things escalated, and he whipped out his signature edition of the MacArthur Study Bible. I booked it out of the building as fast as I could.

We spoke with Mike Neshiem about his role in the time heist. Nesheim first showed us his ion repulsor cannons mounted to his shoulders. “You like these? They’re nanotech; plant ops has been working on them all semester. Amazing what donor funds can do!” When asked about his mission, Nesheim said, “Yeah, I had to go all the way back to 1970 to get the Space Stone. I ended up on the campus of LA Bible College and explained my case to CW Smith. Who knew there was actually a guy named CW Smith! What a trip. Anyway, Smith and I retrieved the stone from the bunkers under what would later become Rutherford, and after I thanked Smith I booked it back here.” 

The tone was cautiously hopeful as the Gauntlet was unveiled at Rutherford this morning. Each team member put their stone in the gauntlet, after lighting a small candle in memorial of Kathy, who sacrificed herself on the planet Vormir. Sam Horn sang “Dust in the Wind” in tribute to her sacrifice.

Walls shed a single tear. “Whoever puts on the Gauntlet is also going to concentrate on bringing Kathy back. And also on adding $5,000,000 in donor funds to our accounts.” 

“This one’s for you [-redacted-],” said the anonymous Hotchkiss male who retrieved the time stone. “I was gonna ask her out to Monty’s. Now I’m going to make sure I get that chance.”

“The question was always ‘Who’s gonna wear the gauntlet?” said Nesheim, making some final adjustments to his nanotech suit. “Naturally, we decided this responsibility should fall in the lap of John Stead. “

“Am I scared? No,” said Stead. Asked about a rumor that he was very eager to do it after discussion of the duty falling to Walls, Stead declined to comment.

Stead and the team have gathered in Rutherford, and will initiate the Snap to finally defeat the Coronavirus later this afternoon. Stay tuned for updates as this is a rapidly developing situation.

Hulet returns from Asgard after run in with Joe Keller

The Meandering Mustang is Happy to report that Dean of Men Dave Hulet has returned from the realm of Asgard with the Reality Stone. We were able to sit down with Hulet and discuss his mission, and the surprise run-in he had in the Norse paradise...

“I rounded the corner of this massive Asgardian palace, and who did I run into? Joe Keller!” Hulet laughed. “I’m not surprised honestly. I always knew that his leaving to get involved elsewhere was just a front for his long term retirement on the Norse planet.”

Hulet described Keller as relaxed and laid back as always, and said he talked about how much he enjoyed the intentional community of Asgard. Keller also described how he never needed to go to Target alone, as there is no Target to go to on Asgard. Keller left shortly due to Asgardian breakfast starting, and he wanted to get there while it was still hot.

“It was great to catch up with Joe and reminisce on old times,” said Hulet. “We’re going to use the Bifrost to get him to get teach at Man Camp next year. And if he can't make it, Abner can always pinch-hit.”

From what we gather, Hulet ran into Keller in the past, but Keller was his present self, which means that present Keller was given a lift on a future version of Nesheim's time machine into the past. It’s all very complicated, but then again, so is Joe Keller.

We are still waiting to hear back from both Nesheim and Horn on the status of their mission. Stay tuned to the Meandering Mustang as this is a developing situation.

Cathie’s Sacrifice: Infinity Stone Retrieved, Caf Worker Lost

In a shocking turn of events, Cathie, who traveled to the planet Vormir to retrieve the soul stone, sacrificed herself to save The Master’s University. The news was broken to the student body by Shayna Anderson.

“It is with the deepest regret that I must inform our campus community that Cathie is with us no more,” said an email sent out by Anderson. We were able to meet with Harry Walls in King Hall and get the inside scoop on what happened on the planet.

“It was a crazy turn of events. We get to Vormir, and this red-faced guy tells us that we have to sacrifice what we most love. Now, I wasn’t sure how I was going to throw the entirety of the Master’s University off the side of this cliff, but before I knew what happened, Cathie dove off the edge, to sacrifice her job. Then BOOM! I’m in a puddle with this glowing rock. What a day.”

“Cathie is a true hero; maybe we just didn’t see it at the time,” said Mike Nesheim, inventor of Friday Fellowships and a quantum time machine. “I plan to rename the Caf “Cathie’s.” The kids can call it the Cath for short.” Nesheim proceeded to slap his knee and chuckle to himself.

“I’m shocked. I wish I had been nicer to Cathie in hindsight,” said an anonymous student from Slight. “I never knew how much she actually cared about this place. The caf will never be the same.” The student proceeded to sneak into the caf without their ID. 

Campus security has ramped up surveillance on the bagels at the caf, as higher theft is expected without Cathie’s presence. Plans are currently in motion to build a 30-foot rock carving of Cathie’s face into the hill behind the caf. The budget for Cathie’s face is to be taken out of the fund for to-go boxes, as no one really uses those anyway. 

The Meandering Mustang sends our condolences to the friends and family of Cathie. Services are yet to be announced, as there is still hope of her returning with a snap of Nesheim’s Infinity Gauntlet.

Hotchkiss Student returns from New York with the Time Stone

After a run-in with the Ancient One, the anonymous Hotchkiss student, still fighting to start his relationship, has safely delivered the Time Stone back to the TMU Campus. The stone was delivered to RCSM where it is being looked after by Professor Joe Francis. A reporter with the Meandering Mustang was able to interview the student, who requested to remain anonymous.

“It was a crazy ride,” said Josh McDonald. “This Ancient One lady- she knew more spells than I did! And that’s saying something, with all the occult rituals that go on in the Hotchkiss basement.” 

The anonymous Hotchkiss male said that the Ancient One pushed his spirit out of his body for the duration of their discussion. “It was a trippy moment,” he said looking back on the incident. “I’ve only been that out of it after I drank 5 Monster energy drinks before Park Day. And when I was thrown in the freezing pool on my birthday. And when I ran through CDUB in nothing but my boxers as part of a tradition. You know what? In hindsight, I’ve been out of it a lot, actually.”

The student returned to the Hotchkiss basement after our discussion, citing the need to refresh himself on the Dark Arts. We were able to speak with Professor Joe Francis about the nature of the Time Stone.

“We are currently studying the effects of the stone, and will report back any irregularities we discover,” said the professor. Campus security has bolstered their presence in the space surrounding RCSM, in order to prevent any girls from Sweazy from using the stone during ‘Gotcha’ next year.

We are still waiting for the return of the other members of the Coronavirus Task Force. Subscribe to the Meandering Mustang for up to date information surrounding the mission

“Whatever it Takes” TMU Faculty assemble to take on Coronavirus

Life has been different since ‘the email.’ The roads of Placerita Canyon are now eerily quiet, and the campus is a ghost town. However, six TMU Faculty prepare to change that.

“We’ve assembled a team of highly gifted individuals to find the Infinity Stones and reverse the irreparable damage this virus has caused,” said Mike Nesheim, inventor of Trophy Coffee. Nesheim recently worked with Plant Ops to build a functioning Time Machine. The device currently sits inside the gym, waiting to be used by the Coronavirus Task Force.

Sam Horn filled us in on the details. “We lost. Some our friends, some our jobs. I told everyone that the beginning that this place could kill you. Well, it surely killed the good vibes on campus.” Sam wielded a massive 36-inch shield he said he forged himself in North Carolina. “Glad I finally have a use for it!”

Cathie suited up with her tasers that she uses to stop people stealing bagels from the caf. “I aim to keep my job; if going back in time with Mike and the rest of them is what it takes, then so be it.”

Harry Walls spoke with us as he retrieved his custom bow and arrow set from one of his four Lamborghinis. Walls, in light of recent events, has been training in various forms of judo and Krav Maga. “Our student body deserved better than to have to leave all their friends for the semester. That changes today."

A student from Hotchkiss, who wished to remain anonymous, has also joined the fight. “Oh, why am I going? I was about to ask this girl out right? Then all this happened. If I can’t reverse all this, our relationship is toast! That would make me angry. And believe me, no one likes Hotchkiss when we’re angry.” (The editors of this article would like to add that no one likes Hotchkiss in general.)

Dave Hulett, Dean of Men, wielded a sharp axe and stared at the empty gym, where only Nesheim’s machine sits. “Oh, I’m not just here for the students,” said Hulett as he chopped down a tree at Under the Oaks. “Tricia’s play must go on.” Hulett sported an eyepatch, though it is currently unknown whether he actually lost his eye.

Representatives of the Meandering Mustang were able to get exclusive access to the group’s departure. After a farewell from John Stead, who insisted that despite recent reports he is in fact okay, the group was sucked into the quantum realm. We are still waiting to hear back whether any have made it back from the past with the Infinity Stones. 

Subscribe to the Meandering Mustang for further updates on the situation.

Sick student lowered through roof into Chou’s LOTR class

Approximately at 10:40 today, flu-stricken student, Josh Johnson, was lowered through the torn roof of BSC 201 by his faithful slight roommates so that he could attend the extremely crowded Theology and Lord of the Rings class taught by our very own Grey Wizard, Abner Chou.

According to witnesses, so many were gathered together that there was no longer room, not even near the door. Suddenly, the roof above the unsuspecting students was torn open by the force of four very introverted, yet very capably strong men. No one knew their names as the slight roommates had taken a blood oath to only partake in fellowship with each other. 

“We woke up this morning to see Josh lying in his bed with sickly eyes, unable to  ache even a word through his dry lips. We knew that the best thing we could do was to bear his burden and carry him to be rejuvenated by the presence of scriptural exposition.” Said one of Johnson’s roommates who skipped chapel this morning.

With committed grace, this fellowship lowered their brother through newly constructed hole in the roof. Johnson lay upon a large wooden pallet that the four men probably stole from the plant-ops junkyard behind RCSM. Johnson spent the entire lesson suspended in the air above the other students heads as he watched Chou discuss angelology and dispensations of scripture. 

Unfortunately, the roommates chose to lower Johnson on the far left side of the room, meaning he was far too distant from the working projector to watch the 30 seconds of Fellowship of the Ring that played that day.

For further updates on John’s condition and Chou’s exposition of the three Tolkien books of the Biblical Canon, subscribe to the Meandering Mustang.