The TMU Coronavirus Task Force was successful in their efforts to bring all the students back to campus, but not as any of them expected.
We spoke with Mike Nesheim about what’s happened. “We told Stead to concentrate on three things: Donor Funds, bringing all the students back to campus, and resurrecting Cathie, in that exact order.” However, there was an error in communication.
“Stead ended up creating a time jump that transported us to the start of the Fall Semester,” said Harry Walls. “So yes, the students are back now, technically, I guess.” Walls went to go ponder the whole situation in one of his fifteen Camaros.
“Am I mad? It could be worse,” said the anonymous Hotchkiss male. “I mean [redacted] is back on campus now and I don’t have to wait months to ask her out. So hey, I guess there is a silver lining…besides missing an entire summer of my life.” When asked if we could reveal his first name, Josh said yes. However, at TMU, this is still the equivalent of being anonymous.
In other news, Student Accounts discovered $5,000,000 in donor funds miraculously transferred into their system. We spoke with James Phillips, but he would neither confirm nor deny on whether it was from Dr. Stead’s Snap. “Let’s just say that the Lord provides in mysterious ways,” said Phillips.
Joe Keller was sighted hauling off the time machine to unknown whereabouts, which explains how he arrived in Asgard in the first place. The time machine was originally going to be used in Tricia Hulett's next musical, but it has not been seen since Keller was sighted.
Cathie also has been resurrected by Stead’s snap after her apparent death on Vormir. Reportedly, right after materializing, she went back to making pizzas at the caf, yelling something about ID cards on the way there.
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