Friday, April 3, 2020

Cathie’s Sacrifice: Infinity Stone Retrieved, Caf Worker Lost



In a shocking turn of events, Cathie, who traveled to the planet Vormir to retrieve the soul stone, sacrificed herself to save The Master’s University. The news was broken to the student body by Shayna Anderson.

“It is with the deepest regret that I must inform our campus community that Cathie is with us no more,” said an email sent out by Anderson. We were able to meet with Harry Walls in King Hall and get the inside scoop on what happened on the planet.

“It was a crazy turn of events. We get to Vormir, and this red-faced guy tells us that we have to sacrifice what we most love. Now, I wasn’t sure how I was going to throw the entirety of the Master’s University off the side of this cliff, but before I knew what happened, Cathie dove off the edge, to sacrifice her job. Then BOOM! I’m in a puddle with this glowing rock. What a day.”

“Cathie is a true hero; maybe we just didn’t see it at the time,” said Mike Nesheim, inventor of Friday Fellowships and a quantum time machine. “I plan to rename the Caf “Cathie’s.” The kids can call it the Cath for short.” Nesheim proceeded to slap his knee and chuckle to himself.

“I’m shocked. I wish I had been nicer to Cathie in hindsight,” said an anonymous student from Slight. “I never knew how much she actually cared about this place. The caf will never be the same.” The student proceeded to sneak into the caf without their ID. 

Campus security has ramped up surveillance on the bagels at the caf, as higher theft is expected without Cathie’s presence. Plans are currently in motion to build a 30-foot rock carving of Cathie’s face into the hill behind the caf. The budget for Cathie’s face is to be taken out of the fund for to-go boxes, as no one really uses those anyway. 

The Meandering Mustang sends our condolences to the friends and family of Cathie. Services are yet to be announced, as there is still hope of her returning with a snap of Nesheim’s Infinity Gauntlet.

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