As always, the Master's University is working to have world-class academics with a Christian perspective. The English Bachelor degree is amongst many majors which have a final senior comprehension exam. This exam dictates whether a student is able to walk in graduation or walk the plank and show up to graduation dripping wet.
A recent inside source reveals that esteemed Doctor Grant Horner is wanting to change the senior exam. Previously the exam consisted of writing five-page analytic essays on Moby Dick, The Iliad, and every Harry Potter book along with diagramming Ephesians 4:3-14 (a 202 word sentence). Instead of all this, Horner is thinking about pursuing a more simple and classical method instead: oral examination with physical exertion. Horner is known for his academic prowess, and his ability to drive to Yosemite on a weekend, climb El Capitan in 20 hours, and then walk back into class without a sunburn Monday morning. Now, he is thinking that this dynamic of academics and physical exertion is exactly what will set TMU's English department apart and bring greater Christlike character. The senior comp exam will then be a Half-Dome rock climb ascent featuring oral examination, sanctification, and flexation led by Horner himself.
Seniors beware! Our source says that those who can't recite sections of "Paradise Lost" whilst climbing are doomed to fail. Yet there may be hope: making it under 17 hours (Horner's record making first ascent time of El Capitan) is an automatic pass. Other possible questions may be about how Bella Swan is like King Saul, how the Bible, Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars all have the same storyline and how Shakespeare's A Midsummer Night's Dream is a parallel with the book of Proverbs. It's too soon to tell how intense the questioning will be, because you may not be able to speak from sheer climbing exhaustion. What about those physically unable? They will have to undergo stimulation of the climb by being plugged into the same rig featured in Ready Player One, asked many questions, and will feel the emotions and physical tiredness of a Music Major during juries.
How then to prepare?
Climb that tree in your backyard 4 times a day along with 127 pushups, 77 Bible arm circles, and a YouTube military ab workout. Make sure you're able to analyze a sonnet, make a limerick, recite Paradise Lost and Calvin's Institutes word for word, be able to cross reference Lord of the Flies with Pride and Prejudice, understand postmodern thought influenced by Fredrick Nietze, dive into the themes in Frankenstein, and yes, you still probably have to diagram Ephesians 4:3-14.
Climb that tree in your backyard 4 times a day along with 127 pushups, 77 Bible arm circles, and a YouTube military ab workout. Make sure you're able to analyze a sonnet, make a limerick, recite Paradise Lost and Calvin's Institutes word for word, be able to cross reference Lord of the Flies with Pride and Prejudice, understand postmodern thought influenced by Fredrick Nietze, dive into the themes in Frankenstein, and yes, you still probably have to diagram Ephesians 4:3-14.
TMU will be offering an English Senior Seminar boot camp next summer, led by that really buff guy that is in the guard shack. Register on content management.
Good Luck seniors on preparing this summer!
For more updates about senior comp exams study tips, follow the Meandering Mustang.
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