Hotchkiss Accidentally Summons Dormmamu to Earth after performing Haka

Reports came in today that Hotchkiss has once again accidentally opened a wormhole to the dark forces of the spiritual realm. Dormammu, the inter-dimensional entity who rules the Dark Dimension and possesses apocalyptic levels of supernatural power, has just arrived above Hotchkiss Hall, and has claimed it as his throne.

Witnesses claim that several Hotchkiss students were performing the ceremonial New-Zealand tribal dance known as the "Haka" outside the dorm lounge while practicing for the Masters Cup. Upon its completion, everyone was unsurprised to see the fabric of reality itself tear apart as the demonic entity crossed over into our world.

"Yes, you have done well my servants. This world is now my world, and we shall spread my darkness to every molecule this reality offers!" Dormammu exclaimed as he emerged from the evil parallel universe.

"Their excessive misuse of the Dark Arts has gone too far. The students of Hotchkiss have set in motion a pre-mature apocalypse once again." Said C-Dub residential director Daniel Sheaffer.

Professor Suzuki, who spent several years studying the dark dimension, had this to say on the issue:
"If you've been wondering why the sky suddenly turned the color of dark red/purple, it's probably because Dormammu has just begun his process of Dark Re-Terraformation of the earth. Hoho, we're in big trouble now."

Andrew Copley, Residential Director of Hotchkiss Hall, was recently seen approaching Dormammu whilst wearing a strange, eastern-looking necklace. Several students claim they heard him say: "Dormammu, I've come to bargain" as he stared into the vicious glowing eyes of dimensional being.

For further updates on Dormammu's presence on earth, stay tuned into the Meandering Mustang.

The Freshman's Guide to Surviving WOW Week

Welcome to The Masters University, young, naive, and awkwardness prone freshman!

As you prepare to begin your journey into the grand world that is TMU education and culture, you must first pass the great entrance ceremony that all who came before you have faced: WOW Week (Week Of Welcome Week).

WOW Week perfectly emulates the experience of being strapped to the back of a giant mechanical bull which is cranked up to the highest setting. Also, a couple hundred people are also strapped shoulder to shoulder with you on the same bull and chances are you don't know any of them yet.

It's going to be awesome. 

...unless you're an introvert, then it might sting a little.
Either way, it's an adventure that you'll never forget!

But fear not young student! I have compiled an honest list of the best and worst "do's" and "dont's" made by students who have done all of these "do's" and "don'ts." Every returning student or TMU alumni has been guilty of at least one, if not all of these dreadful missteps, Just read this list and feast upon the wisdom of the mistakes that we sadly already made!

HOW TO SURVIVE WOW WEEK

10. Don't hide in the background or cling to one person the entire week.
The WOW leaders are here to hold your hand as they introduce you to the TMU world. However, many a student has refused to let go of that hand. Give em' a little space.
I understand. This is all pretty intimidating, and you might be feeling homesick. We've been there. You probably have one or two people you're close with right now; your roommate, or a friend from your hometown. But WOW week is all about making connections, and if there is anytime for you to break out of your shell and make friends (which will be inevitable), this is it! Show up to the events. Initiate conversations. Hang out with people on the wing. Take advantage and start building relationships. You'll never regret it.

9. Don't impulse buy and waste all your money for the semester.
This tends to happen sometimes. You went to the mall or to an expensive meal place with your new friends and all of you decide to blow a ton of cash on new shoes or a ton of unnecessarily expensive food. Let's see how cool those shoes look on you as you sit groveling at the entrance to Dixon, begging them to make you a free meal with their exceptional cooking because you only had a 10 meal weekly plan. You'll need that money later in the semester. Trust us.
(Proverbs 20:21)

8. Don't Viciously murder all of those who stand in the way of your victory at the Masters Cup
The Masters Cup is a ton of fun and a pretty serious event, don't get me wrong. Your RA's and RD have probably been hyping this up like crazy for the past week. But there have been times where the fun has vanished. Arguments over who gets to do what come up every year, and then pride swells like an allergic kid after a bee sting. Peace with those around you is more important than winning a small college event (Romans 12:18). Just have fun, it's a great time.

(8.5. But still, you should totally go to the Masters Cup)
The only crime greater than going too far in the Masters Cup is skipping it entirely. It's so fun. Don't pass it up, even if competition "isn't your thing."

7. Please, for the love of God, just get some sleep.
Every night, the dorms become a party house. The guys hang out and play Super Smash Bros. and the girls talk about life hour after hour until the sunrises. Next week you're diving headfirst into classes, so don't kill yourself and make sure you get a good amount of sleep every night. Otherwise you'll just be a walking corpse for the rest of the week.

6. Don't (Physically) Skip the Lectures
This was the defining characteristic of last years class; they skipped EVERYTHING. The lectures can be long, and a lot of them are just going over safety drills or procedural stuff, but there are important shreds of knowledge that the staff offers that will really pay off in the future. Take notes on your phone or something for the important bits, and then you can sleep through the rest. Just don't sit near the front, because some of them are super boring and you'll definitely want to play on your phone without looking like a tool.

5. Avoid Ditching your WOW Group on Purpose
Listen pal...
We know that you may feel like your WOW group just isn't "cool enough" or it's "awkward." But every year we get those people, the people who just ditch their WOW group and join another. Sometimes they'll ditch their WOW group to hang out at Magic Mountain one-on-one with an attractive guy/gal. Don't be those people.

4. PLEASE, JUST STOP sharing your "very emotional/inspiring" testimony with literally everyone you meet.
Ah, this was by far my most repeated mistake during the tragic ballad of my WOW week. We know you want to make a good impression. We also know that you have an incredible, tear-jerking testimony that you're positive everyone needs to hear. Take our word on this one: Save it for when it matters, then it will matter more.

3. Prepare for the storm...
There is a storm coming. It begins right after WOW week. The freshmen have neglected the cafeteria salad bar, forgotten to take their Emergen-C, and now the plague has begun. Sickness spreads like a wildfire here at TMU, and everyone falls victim. That one cute and confident guy you liked to hang around for the week will be halfway in the grave next week, sniffling and using all 8 of his chapel skips in one week (somehow). This happens EVERY year. Please take care of your body dear student, otherwise the plague will take you and all that you love during the first week of classes. Just take it easy on the cafe ice cream.

2. DON'T DATE... ANYONE... AT ALL...
When I asked other students for what they believed the worst mistake you could possibly make during WOW Week was, the masses screamed this at me in one unanimous and very powerful voice. There is a name for these types of relationships: Wowmances. A wowmance is known just as well for it's quick and swift beginning as it is for it's equally swift end. Sure, you may make it to a month if you're lucky. But honestly, one week is far too short a time to get to know someone well enough to believe that they are "the one." We all know that marriage is on your mind because it was on ours (and low-key, kinda still is). But woe to the one who dates during WOW week! Misfortune always seeks them out.

(2.5. Seriously, just don't try to date anyone at all)
I don't care if you knew them before you came. Just don't do it.
Sometimes people get crushes on their WOW siblings, or even their WOW mom/dad. Ewww. Woe to the one who dates during WOW week!

1. Accept the fact that mistakes will be made.
WOW week is a truck-bed full of excitement, fun, and emotion. Everyone has their awkward moments, bad decisions, and impulse purchases. I'm almost positive that not a single student has made their way through the week without making many of these mistakes. I wrote these down because I made many of these mistakes myself. If you're an upcoming student, you're going to make a mistake. If you've been here before, you've already made them. Therefor, it's okay to be kind to yourself. The mistakes help you learn and grow. Christ has the sin part covered, and everyone around you is in the same boat.

Well there you have it! Get ready for a ride unlike any other mustangs. We're super stoked that you're here.

Honestly, TMU is one of the best places on this planet to grow in Christ-likeness, and I wouldn't trade my time here for anything.

In the mean time, don't date anyone.

Top 10 Most Uncomfortably Romantic Spots on Campus

Dear Student, are you looking for the ideal, attractive, godly partner to share the rest of your life with?

Me neither!

The problem is that there are a lot of those people at TMU. ALOT. And a good 80% of them only came to this school to find that very thing.

But don't worry, I took the time to compile this list of all the places you want to avoid being stuck alone with the opposite sex in. If you avoid these places like the plague, I guarantee that somehow you won't be infected with that contagious TMU dating atmosphere.

10. The Hotchkiss Pool
This is the only place on campus where guys can take their shirts off in public during the daytime. Enough said. Get behind me Satan.

9. C-Dub Upper Lot Parking a.k.a Rape Lot
I know what you're thinking. "I'm too busy worrying about being shanked to be in love up at Rape Lot." WRONG. This upper parking lot has one of the best views of Newhall. Those dazzling bright lights will hypnotize your soul to give into its lustful desires. And don't even get me started on the romantic lighting from the street lights up there. You're better off parking all the way down at Swixon if you live in the Dub.

8. Hotchkiss Lounge after dark
If the demonic chants don't already scare you away, the excessive amount of cuddling couples should.   If you come back late after studying in the library, I recommend sprinting through the lounge doors and into your wing with your arms stiffly held behind your back like an anime character.

7. That bench under the tree in front of RCSM
You'll only ever have to pass by this if: a) you own a car and will use it to drive and grab food from the cafe. b) You're a science major and are destined to see this sight every day. Either way, there's only enough room for two. Make sure you're not one of them.

6. Anywhere in the Outdoor Seating in Lower Cafe
If you're an introvert, you probably take your meal from Upper Cafe down here in a to-go box every day. If you're not, then this is the ideal place to "get to know someone better." There's that two-person table right at the front that everyone can see as they walk up to grab their meal or coffee. The worst part, is that this place is so public that making eye contact with someone of the opposite gender dooms you to a week of teasing from your friends. If you know what's good for you, walk along that concrete path that goes along the front of the building and come through the back door next to the mail room. Crisis averted.

5. The Middle of the Baseball Field in like the Middle of the Night
This one isn't that hard to avoid, but there have been times where I came out of night class and made my way across this field of mistakes. Look there's a shooting star! Zipping away along with your purity.

4. Sharing the Library Ark Study Desks, which are really meant to for one person.
The only way two people can fit into these desks is if they are literally shoulder to shoulder, and that's  getting more physical than I ever have in this life. I'm always so disappointed with how often people forget the 11th commandment: Leave room for the Holy Spirit.

3. Under the Oaks/Gazebo a.k.a Sheol
No one wants to be here. Ever. Not even the people who like all this romantic stuff. You only end up in Under the Oaks if something has gone wrong. May God have mercy on the souls who have a DTR here.

2. The Gate
This is the gate at the end of Placerita Canyon Rd. You've probably gone on a run down here every now and then. But after dark, this is where couples silently float back forth like wraiths in the shadows: mere shells of what they once were before. I'm pretty positive this road is haunted at night.

1. The Cross
You know exactly what I'm talking about. You also know why it is 1# on this list. Legends say that every night, a random group of students comes up here. It also has a higher daily attendance by couples than any of Dr. Chou's classes. Usually a guitar or ukulele is involved. You alone with someone of the opposite gender there? No matter what you do or say, this place oozes with romance. You know it. You've been there.

There you have it ladies and gentlemen! Since everyone is so scared to just go on casual dates to get to know each other over coffee or a meal, here is your list to avoid all that awkwardness of your friends assuming marriage is in order after you were seen talking to that nice girl in Lower Cafe.
Considered your purity permanent!